Pseudovegan believer, agnostic , baccy addicted, money spending 19 year old homophile with ego.
That was then Monday, November 16, 2009 1:46 AM
"i wanna say tht i miss eu so much and i heart you always gurl"
It's funny how nostalgia works. I was just browsing through my archives which dates back to year 2005 a few minutes ago because I was that bored, realising how much I've actually grown physically, and emotionally. From writing like the above to the way I write my entries now really goes to show how much every individual will mature with age. For me anyway.
4 years ago, I was the 'diva' the pretend-to-have-it-all, the pseudopopular one, the 'biatch', the you-totally-raised-my-ratings (whatever ratings I had back then -_-), with a strong 400 readers/day, always so ignorant to avoid sensitive issues, failing to comply to blogging etiquette of professionalism.
Now, I'm the quiet, low-profile [?], forgotten, lonely, who-cares-about-ratings, always so depressed, 12 readers/day blogger, who thinks before he blogs about unwanted hearsay and misconception on how people will see him.
Some of us tend to be more childish or should I say - the doing things parents stopped you from doing when you were younger dilemma like late-night parties, drinkdramas, popularity, fashion, drugs.. considered as "IN" in an age when we near our second decade of adulthood. I guess, for me personally, I see myself shying away from these, because I've had a taste of most of it, that it's about time we start thinking about the lengths we go to satisfy our happyness or rather highness meter.
Like many, I have gone through so much pain, endurance, sacrifices, pretty much evident in my blog archives, and thankfully, there's nothing to regret with my past life? It's made me the man I am today.
I'm just saying, it's times like these I feel like there's more to life than just life.. or death.
I don't know.
The things I say these days are very incoherent, jumbled and confusing. Maybe that's the use of a blog after all. To quickly scribble down how you feel before the climax of your emotion (noetic science) fades away. Speaking of cli-stuff; I think there's a serious climate change in our world. Australia is so goddamn hot last I heard although I recalled wearing layers around this time the last I went, and Singapore has mysteriously become really coldof late. No, it's not the rain. It's just really different I swear.. like really cold.
I think I shall lay a new quote: "Don't give in to Death, let Death give in to you." I don't know. Past visits to the grave made me senile or verbs to what others might perceive as such, heh.
Oh btw, did you know that loafers actually mean 'Person who does no work' or 'Bum' or should the Malays call it - 'Penganggur'? Haha. I wear expensive loafers cos I fucking am one.
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our ignorance conquers the fcuking uni
verse
Baby, I can feel your halo Sunday, November 15, 2009 10:56 PM
Pretty.
I know it's just the wind, and the vast amount of plain fields, resulting in your colorful wheels to turn, all very much scientific knowledge.
But when I came the second time round to change your tombstone sheets, when I said "Hi," I felt like you responded to me by spinning excitedly the minute I came. I couldn't help but smile. It could be God, it could be my grandmother, and it could just have simply been the wind, but hey, I felt a peaceful, endearing, lovable presence that I miss so much around me when it kept spinning.
I hope you always spin your colors whenever I come around. ♥
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our ignorance conquers the fcuking uni
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Shaddap, the world won't end in 2012. Saturday, November 14, 2009 1:54 AM
I wouldn't give my heart and soul to love 2012, because in the end, I just think about how much money was wasted on such a film when that money could have made greater impact if they touched more on issues that we could relate to.
(Spoiler alerts) (Warning, my English is horrible in this. Didn't check my spelling, my grammar, my stanzas are like jumbled everywhere, I didn't put much thought to it, just wanted to jot everything down before I forget what I watched.)
In the beginning we see this man rushing down to India to find out that earth's core has been heating up the water system that in a matter of years, the world will destroy itself in some seismic rupture - tsunamis, volcanoes.. all that jazz.
Comparing it between Director Emmerich's two films - 2012 and The Day After Tomorrow, I'd say the latter was more relatable then 2012 was. So what's soo bad about 2012?
It's just really random and confusing when the black man was preparing for the happening. Within minutes the movie has jumped to year 2012 from 2009 which was very confusing and most of the time I couldn't understand what was going on. Sometimes I believe in an attempt to make the movie looked more "smarter" they use scientific knowledge in which most wouldn't know about and voila the world is going to end.
From reviews I've read, yes, they're right, there were too many moments I LOLed at and I don't think it was even meant to be funny to begin with. And did anyone notice that Emmerich was really updated because when the President stepped in the camera moved slowly upwards to his face and guess what - it's the Black President, woohoo. Who btw, I find a very stupid President to lead the country in times of need.
I think his daughter was pretty redundant to.
Which made me think really, that they have prepared 6 or 8 arcs to save only the rich, not being able to save everybody, as if the government really is hiding a secret from the world. I mean what's Emmerich's stand on this?
I didn't do a heart leap when the world starting destroying itself though, it's pretty much gonna end up the way the director wants us to think - dead. What I hate about it is the fact of how one family can survive near death experiences with one singular car surviving earthquakes, one singular jet plane flying in the sky while trains are flying in mid-air, one single lucky russian plane, flying all the way to China, while the rest of the 40billion people in the world die. It's much to cliche.
What's funny was when the main actor was in the trailer, and he nearly fell into like hot lava, and as the camera shoots near the edge, you see a cheesy cliche hand grabbing the edge and surviving something most wouldn't survive. Lol.
What I liked about it tho was how it makes me tear up with their family soap opera. The stepdad wanted to fly off already but the stepson said "Don't go! That's my father!" Even though he was calling his father by his name throughout the beginning of the movie.
It's kinda funny too that the crazy radio guy had a bloody map to go to China and Jackson just happened to be at Yellowstone who then just happened to steal the map and flee.
But I gotta admit the CGI effects were fantastic, they looked real and yes, scary. Tho, I expected more, after watching the trailer. They didn't mention much about the Mayan prophecy. I think it was mentioned for less than 16seconds and that was it? Huh.
And I really can't relate to the movie in any way, is it gonna make me stop polluting the environment? Oh wait, they didn't even mention about how the world started to destruct itself in the first place. It was more of it was bound to happen seeing that the earth will just end one day just like that. Unlike 'The Day After Tomorrow', the world actually destroyed itself because the Ozone layer depleted so much that the sun caused the polar icecaps to melt therefore causing a mass dump of freshwater to the earth which then led to another ice age, etc etc etc. So we can relate to that, you know?
And wahhh can selitdaunlah Jackson, his ex-wife's husband died and minutes later he had to remove the thing stucked in the wheels causing the gate to not close, and then wham- titanic moment. People were already dying and we just had to wait for you to finish kissing and save the bloody ship.
And what the hell, the ending was so bloody cheesy. They got to see a new day, wow, a mass spread of ocean. But wait, apparently the earth's plates didn't breach as much as they predicted so Africa was rising again. HUH?!
Overall - the acting was bad, the script was bad, alot of scenes were redundant, it didn't relate to us in anyway, they completely missed out on the Mayan prophecy, cinematography was only good when we saw mount Everest (which btw is stupid too that just seconds after it collided the mountain, Jackson managed to save the whole goddamn arc by removing the thing at the gate.), it's too cliche, it's too-good-to-be-true since the hero NEVER dies, it doesn't make sense.
The only good thing about the movie is that we laughed at parts we shouldn't laugh at and the CGI effects were fucking awesome. THAT, you can relate. You can actually feel like you're there and you're gonna die anytime soon.
But you won't fucking die, why? Cos the director will make you miss death by a split second takeover the ground in a fucking plane. Twice. And a limo too.
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our ignorance conquers the fcuking uni
verse
Long And Winding Journey Wednesday, November 11, 2009 3:12 AM
Slowly but surely, I have picked up the pieces. My grandmother who now resides in Heaven is probably having the time of her life.
But she's not alone. No, I don't just mean that God is there for her.
My grandmother's bestfriend - her younger sister, who passed away a few years back must have welcomed her by the gates of Heaven with all the other angels. Ameen. :)
What's strange about it is that.. my second-cousin, dreamt of them long before things happened. She dreamt that she was in a mall, walking along minding her own business, and then in the middle of nowhere, a giant spectrum of light floating in mid-air. It was Heavenly, it smelled of flowers that will never fade, trees that forever blossom, and in this "heaven", she saw my grandmother, and her younger sister, NekMisah (my second-cousin's grandmother), walking (take note, my grandmother has limited abilities in walking when she was alive), taking a stroll, laughing, smiling, and they never seemed happier.
My second-cousin then walked towards it, feeling all light and happy, and that there could never be another beautiful and peaceful place, but as she tried to step into that place, she was blocked by some invisible barrier, stopping her from entering.
"What is this?" she cried. Yet before she could say anything further, the two grannies waved at her and told her to go home, that it wasn't time for her to come in yet. As my cousin turned to walk away, she saw and felt the area around her black, dying and melancholic. This was when she realised, this was the real world.
..and she had this dream way before my grandmother died.
Sometimes, coincidence can be too good to be true, and that you would rely on strong faith to believe in such. I'm still a liddle confused, but one thing's for sure, I know now she won't be lonely in Heaven, even though I really miss her. :)
Life has to move on I suppose.
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our ignorance conquers the fcuking uni
verse
Fall Wednesday, November 4, 2009 12:37 AM
Fish, was the last thing we talked about. Piranhas, sharks, electric eels, man-eating snakes, tarantulas, scorpions that poisoned her village when she was younger.
That was my last goodbye. That was my last hug. That was my last kiss.. before you left me.
I still remember your toothless grin whenever I come knocking on the door, bringing you your favourite wheel potato crackers where I'd sit by your walking stick talking about how salty they were.
You'd make me eat once every hour, because you know I can never get enough of your Red Curry Chicken. I even brought them to work once, and that was the last time I ever had that.
You'd cook for me when I'd say I might be dropping by, and in the end a whole pot of chicken will be left untouched because I would somehow be delayed or had other things to attend to.. I never got to apologise to your for that.
Back in your stronger days, you always brought me my paper thosai because you know I loved that too.
You never want to sleep while we're still around even though I knew you were sleepy, you always waited till we went home. When we drive off from the carpark, I know I'll see you waving at us by the kitchen window.. yet tonight, you weren't there.
Back at Toa Payoh, you would wait by the sidewalk till we drove off just to wave goodbye at me. Now it's my turn to say goodbye to you.
You couldn't wait to see me be born into this miserable world so much, but you saw so much happiness in me. In fact, you gave me my name. Instantly, I became your favourite grandson, and you, my only grandma.
So it hurts so much when you go. It hurts so much that I don't get to see your beautiful, toothless grin when I come knocking on your door. It hurts so much to see an empty sofa without a walking stick by the side, it hurts that you didn't wave goodbye.
No other cousin of mine feels the way I feel. I've lost somebody who meant the world to me. I've lost the one woman in my life who will never raise her voice at me, even though I can be such a bastard at times.
I didn't even get to see your eyes open at the hospital.
She always told me, "Call your dad, he misses you, call him, he's lonely, visit your dad, it would cheer him up, visit me, I just came out of the hospital." I never knew that those words would create such an impact as I'm jotting this down.
And I'd remember back when I was little, I told you I'd be a road sweeper as well so you would be less tired, you'd rest, and I'd do all the work for you. ("Nanti Shahari besar, Shahari pun nak jadi orang sapu sampah, boleh tolong nenek, jadi nenek tak penat.")
*
A fall. A bloody fall. A fall was all it took for God to take you away from me, to take anyone from me. Now that my dad lives alone, what happens if he fell and I didn't know? What would be the last words I say to him before it happens?
So please.. if you had to be clumsy, don't say "Mak aku jatuh, eh pocot nenek aku jatuh.." do you really want that to happen?
Don't ever argue with your mom, for whatever reasons, cos you will regret it when things would suddenly happen.
"From dust you came, to dust you shall return." So my little yellow rose will accompany you by the dust. My yellow rose will be your friend because you always loved flowers. I'll bring you a different one everyday.
Yet somehow.. when I saw you taking a sniff of the ground.. you looked so peaceful, and there and then I knew that you don't need us to pray for you. Why? Because I know.. you're already in heaven. You were made by the flowers of heaven.
I miss you nek, I really miss you. But I know, God loves you more than I do, so I shall submit to Him, I know our Lord won't disappoint either of us.
Assalamualaikum, nenek Minah binte Yasin. May Allah hug you whenever you feel lonely up there for me.
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our ignorance conquers the fcuking uni
verse
Al- Fatihah Monday, November 2, 2009 7:36 AM
R.I.P. Grandma Minah Binti Yasin.
The fight is now over, my love. ♥
Hi everyone, my beloved grandmother just passed away today at about 6am. Spare a moment for the dear departed. :( :( :( I miss you nenek. You were the last of my grandparents. I know now that Allah loves you more and wants you to be with Him.
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our ignorance conquers the fcuking uni
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You Are The Only Exception ♥ Thursday, October 15, 2009 3:00 AM
Think of me when you're out, when you're out there I'll beg you nice from my knees And when the world treats you way too fairly Well it's a shame I'm a dream
I could follow you to the beginning And just relive the start And maybe then we'll remember to slow down To all of our favorite parts
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our ignorance conquers the fcuking uni
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Mad World Monday, October 12, 2009 2:07 AM
Because we are sew cool.
*
On a serious note -
I can't sleep, so I guess blogging helps therapeutically. Yeah, I've been pretty down of late, thinking, swearing, pitying, drowning myself with Hoes @ the Gaarden (lol), and I'm still tired, although I have been lazing around at home for the past 4 days.
My $income$ is slowly depleting, I can only wish that I would remain cooped up for the next two weeks till my pay comes in, really. But I do need to get out, get some air and find a job. My body wants to work, but I keep forcing myself to take a break, and clear my head.
On a side note: Gosh I've been spending alot on myself. Clothes + My hair mainly. But at least I know, I spend it based on my hard-earned money, not by holding out a hand to my mother. O_o
I mentioned that I'm really thankful for my friends, and I really am. We've been through so much shit close to 8 years now, those of which I can really call Best Friends, not forgetting my mom- She's my #1 bestfriend.
I'm glad I've matured from the stage in which I wanna keep dating guys, or meeting them for some dirty business, in which I find it all so very foul now, if I do meet someone, I'm into settling down and bringing him or her to meet my family.
I'm also glad that I've never had vogue-bapok days, yes - I may not be fit and slim, but I'm not extreme gayboy either. I'm thankful I was never interested in dancing around like a slutty fag and join a dance crew because that's what stereotypical homos do. Neither do I like Hip hop/RNB, sorraye, I'm an Indie/Rock/House/Pop Culture kinda guy. I'm a simple, maybe a liddle overdressed, arrogant asshole, who goes through life like every other straight person - wake up, eat, work, the occasional exercise routine, sleep.
Safe to say, in terms of faggetclopedia, I've browsed through it without a sniff of envy, and thank GOD I'm more straight than most fags can ever be. Some may call me the homophobic homosexual I guess. I hate prissy, primadonna, vogue, ignorant, self-centred, obnoxious and most importantly oblivious faggaaaats. But I bet they can't understand half the words I just used in my blog. They only know how to speak with an accent (which may sometimes come off as Pinoy or just really bad Singahpolean pronunciation.)
I don't know why I decided to talk about that. Maybe it's the fact that I hate extreme homophobia, where gay people like me get stigmatized in such a way that all we ever want was cock. I guess that's why I lost my job. Office homophobia. Fucken backstabbing straight jerks. It sucks. Lol. I'm trying to prove a point, but it doesn't seem to cut across as understandable much.
I'm also soooo glad that I have these girls as sisters. I'm so glad that Shakinah is one tough bitch who may hang out around guys, but isn't some sluddy hoe. I'm really thankful that she stands up for her own family that she loves. I'm thankful that Syafiqah is one cant-be-bothered liddle grown up girl as well. She knows how to play it cool, and to keep it realin', only being her colourful self around her family. Alhamdulilah, I have these kids.
I guess, I've learnt that my motto in life, is to always be there for your bestfriends for life (BFFLLOL), and most importantly - family. There the ones who are there, and it's just rude to point fingers and names to them, that it's better to always be supportive in whatever they have or not have done for you. ♥ If anyone says shit about my family, I'll be sure to see to it that they would bite their tongue and regret - likewise, my family and friends would and always will do the same for me. Ameen.
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our ignorance conquers the fcuking uni
verse
What?! Wednesday, October 7, 2009 1:33 AM
I've just been given two weeks termination letter. Yes, what the fuck.
To think I actually love working at fitness first, and I barely worked a month, I've been told to leave. I'm depressed.
Suraya - "How do you find working here?" Shahari - "Enjoyable."
And I meant it.
The reasons why I was told to leave? I argued at the counter. Fine, I admit, it was wrong. Still I think a 1)verbal warning 2) warning letter 3)final warning would suffice.
I came back late from break, cos I fell asleep in the office. Fine, I admit it was wrong. Still I think a 1)verbal warning 2) warning letter 3)final warning would suffice.
Team uncomfortable with me around? Yes, I admit, I can be quite annoying at times, heck I'm the youngest. They didn't mention anything about being uncomfortable. But I don't think that terminating me is quite necessary. You could have just told me off.
Moodswings? Everyone has moodswings, but it doesn't affect how I do my work! I get pissed off when people make fun of me yes, but I don't think the way I work is any worst!
Reluctance to change shift? I don't think I was ever reluctant except for yesterday? In fact I don't think I was reluctant, I was just curious to know WHY I had to change shift! Do you know how many times I changed shifts with the others because they needed to? I DID. Was I reluctant? NO. It's just because of yesterday's abrupt and sudden call, that made you feel like "Oh, this is enough evidence to terminate him."
Hogging on the phone? Oh for pete's sake, everyone there hogs on the phone, you just don't know it, bro.
Fuck.
These things are sooo minor. If you really didn't like the way I am, you could have just given me warning letters. Face it. You're one fucking homophobe. If I was a girl, everyone there would like me, because it's easy trying to be all girly and stuff. But guess what, bro, this is just the way I am.
But I know what's your agenda.
You didn't wanna send Nisha off to Capital Tower. If I didn't come in, you would have made her full-timer anyway when Santhiya left. But guess what, you took ME in. Now that HQ was gonna send Nisha off to CT, you didn't want that to happen so you made her full-timer at my place. Plus, Halma was the only Senior CSO. They need more responsibilities. So someone had to go, why? Cos there were enough full-timers. So who did you send off? ME.
Those things you said were such perfect good excuses to cover up the shit you're in. You feel that it's easier kicking me around like a dog, just so you have a better team. Fuck you. I'm still on probation, and you didn't even give me a verbal warning. You just let me go. Fuck you, Suraya, fuck you.
I love my job. I LOVE IT. I said, my colleagues were the best colleagues I've EVER had, and you let me go. It's barely a month. Where the heck am I supposed to get another job so that I can survive for the next few months?! How the hell am I supposed to face my family?! The thing is, I try sooo hard to do things right at work, I try sooo hard not to repeat the mistakes I had at True Fitness.. and now this?!
The fact is, I didn't do anything so serious like steal company money, or bring down the name of Fitness First. I didn't.
Fuck you.
You know what's more depressing? Life.
I did well for ITE. Didn't get to school. I didn't do much wrong at work. I get fired.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Was it because I drank, God? Because I promised You I wouldn't drink if my life took a better turn? That I drank when I met Yatee and Fendi, not to get drunk, but just so they would shut up? Half a glass of bourbon coke. HALF. I barely tasted ANY alcohol. Is this why?
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our ignorance conquers the fcuking uni
verse
Eid? hmmm Friday, September 18, 2009 1:30 AM
I know Eid is a time of celebration, yet I know that 2009 will be the most depressing Eid ever, something only my sisters and myself will understand. Some of you might know why. Eid is one issue I avoid talking about at all costs, I don't even wanna think about it. But with the whiffs of kek lapis baking in my house, I can't help but get pangs of sadness thinking that Eid is in two days time.
I promised that I won't talk about my family anymore, and I won't. But I guess it's about time everyone accepts that my family is no longer together, and that we cannot keep lying to clueless family members that we're still together. It's been 4 years, it's time to let go, I guess. Maybe that's why I'm not looking forward to Shalya's mom flying here either.
You might ask me, how do I manage to move on from our family's separation? Well.. I haven't. Accepting it is one thing, but living it is another. Get what I mean?
I wish.. well there's no point wishing.
Well, just in case I don't blog before malam raya, let me just wish all Muslims a wonderful and blessed Eid-l Fitri! ♥
It's a wonderful feeling with the love in the room from the floor to the ceiling its that time of year Eid time is here with the blessings from above Allah sends his love and every thing's okay Eid Mubarak its our holiday
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our ignorance conquers the fcuking uni
verse
Bitter Heart Tuesday, September 15, 2009 2:23 AM
I spent my salary
Giving my mother money
Buying Eid shoes and hand bag for my sister(s) - must buy double lor
Bangles and earrings for my sister(s)
Toiletries
Lots of new clothes (thus the picture above)
My sister's birthday gift
It's completely mental. I've never spent so much money in a span of three days. Now I'm gonna have to survive the next three weeks with less than how I would survive on. Shit. But at least there's Eid to cover, so at least I will get money from my parents, and hopefully I can force my dad into giving me his Clothing Company Claim if I submit all my receipts to him! *prays*
Speaking of praying, I've been praying lately to God as in Allahﷲ, like a normal Muslim. I don't know why, but every time I Sola' I feel more sincere in praying instead of just clasping my hands together.
Ramadan made it even better for me to be more patient and just seek Him because I'll know he's there. That being said, I'm not religious, but I do believe in Allah. As in, I don't practise Islam as much as I believe in Islam - if you catch my drift.
If you must know, I quit drinking a looong time ago. ♥ Now I just need to tackle my smoking, and Alhamdulillah, my sticks have been dramatically reduced.
Speaking of sticks being reduced, I would like to talk about work at Fitness First ☺. The job scope is amazing, I swear, it's much simpler than True Fitness will ever be, and I'm happy that I can go home on time. I don't have to extend over 2 hours and not get any claim for that, but I can get them for Fitness First, yay!
My job scope is reduced by 50%, yet my pay has been increased by 50%?! How wonderful is that?! Plus the fact that it's in AMK, la! Can you imagine, I start work at 2.00PM, but I only wake up 30minutes earlier?! Good pay, less work, near distance, what's there to complain about?!..
..Customers. -_-
Cheebye, the one thing I hate about FF is the fact that the crowd at Raffles Place (RP) are completely different. From handling people of better manners, better clothes, better language, I have to entertain 60 year old aunties who bring market plastic bags to go shower. Chaocheebye. And trust me, handling an old fart with wrinkly abs at AMK is far worst than handling Donald Trump at RP.
Speaking of reducing my sticks.. Did you know that my cigarettes were stolen?
And I suspek kuat my colleague yang curi, wa'llah. I mean, I left my newly bought cigarettes, only had one during break, and left my sticks in the counter drawer while I work. Happy happy la, leave there, can trust my colleagues what. Then when I went home.. my box only had one stick left, and it looked tattered. What's worse.. the damn cigarette tak diketuk' and trust me I ALWAYS ketuk my cigarettes. *scratches head*
Lagi worse, we've apparently had cases of stuff going missing from out counter. It's either toyol, or colleagues' hands gatal cannot keep to themselves. I pick the latter.
My colleagues are.. different. I mean I do have to adapt and stuff, but they belong in a completely different world and.. I don't even mind not being able to connect. Put it this way, they hate house music, I love house music, I hate techno, they love techno, I go to Zirca, they go to Dbl O. End of story. ☺
Well whatever it is, I'm still happier being at FF than TF, albeit the fact that I really miss Jessa my Pinay friend from TF, but hey life has to move on. Oh hello! It's my sister's birthday today!
And.. Shalya's mom is coming this Friday. I'm.. not looking forward to it. I'm not looking forward to Eid either. She might know why. I'm working on that day too, sigh. I have new clothes tho. ☺
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our ignorance conquers the fcuking uni
verse
Gone Tuesday, September 8, 2009 12:43 AM
The sunken eyes, the bated breaths, the heart crushing job, all the pain, all the shame, and all the worry, the fatigue.. of True Fitness.
FUCK YOU KANINA CHAO CHEEBYE PUKI SUNDAL TETEK OK BYE~!
I don't know what came of me. Lol. Sorry I'm just being childish. That said, I'm extremely happy that I have finally left True Fitness and joined Fitness First. Right about now, I'm too tired to say eveything about life, but one thing's for sure, I can feel it getting better already. Now that I'm getting paid 50% more, I can finally work, feel happier, and start worrying about getting to Poly. ♥
Now that I have more time, I'll start blogging more often. TTYL! (Tetek you lazat!)
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our ignorance conquers the fcuking uni
verse
Berhenti Berharap Sunday, August 23, 2009 12:15 AM
It's about time I step up and do something to meliorate my life. I cannot do this forever.
Threats and empty warnings scare me no matter how rude they may be, but being scared-homo-me, I'm prone to just keeping quiet without having to stand up for myself. Beat myself up for it later. Puke it out. Well would it matter? Wrong or right, I'm forever in the wrong.
I'm sick of crying every resting time thinking how my bitter and miserable life would have been if I went to school instead. I'm still pissed knowing that I did really well and that other people who didn't do as good as me got accepted into schools and I didn't. Now I'm slaving myself over an organization who won't even provide well. Don't worry baby boy, it's just a few more months and I'm off to poly.
I am tired of going home late at night, causing me to be even more emotionally drained, and my time spent with family have been reduced to minus-100 hours. I don't care if you don't care about your family, but family comes way up for me, ranking no.1 in my list, followed by no.2 being the big Guy in the clouds aka God.
I hate being stepped on like a doormat. Period.
Speaking of God, you really have no morals do you? Why does it matter to what organization I believe in. Why does it concern you?
Truth be told, I was being completely honest. Yeah, I do go Saturdays to bring praise, I may have been blessed and "born-again", but that was two years ago. Has it ever occurred that it may have been I'm there to keep my faith options open? Occurred to you why I even practice starving from dawn to dusk because I really am a believer a year after being thrown water at? But I lied, why? Because if I told you I'm there to keep my options open, you won't allow it and start questioning me.
And I thought you would understand, coming from your own religious background. Guess not. Even had the cheek to make it sound like a joke in front of my other team member that preggies hag, and have them questioning me, and condemning me from having the ground to accept me when I die. You never think, do you?
Just blatantly, I have been exposed to my bare skin for the pleasure of public electronic viewing. Any forms of privacy is sadly abused, and I have been made a laughing stock. It's an offence to have done it, I admit, but it's absolutely ugly if it has been made for public viewing so that everyone can laugh about it. But do you know discretion? No I doubt it. Desperate, pathetic, and always asking about my sex life because they don't have one.
And for the record, slut and drunk wuz I before, but don't you think people slowly change?
You think it's a joke to you, is it, my life? Then again, why should I prove myself to you? You're not worth the cans of redbulls in my gut.
I didn't even ask for you. I had no intention of being where I am currently. I grew in love with the previous. But I can barely sniff empathy to where I am now.
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our ignorance conquers the fcuking uni
verse
Vomit Friday, August 14, 2009 12:24 AM
I'm here watching Harry Potter clips on YouTube because I'm that addicted. Did I mention I bought it's game at via Ebay? Can't wait for it to arrive by mail. O_o
Work has been very very stressful. There are times when I feel like quitting, but I realise, if I quit, when then will I get another job? And if I don't, I will prolly while like a bitch that I deserve to be back in school. Ah well. I guess I have to stick with it.
Is it me, or do I really miss being with my family? I feel like I see them only once a week? Yes, it's extremely depressing.
Oh well, I'll do a proper entry another time. I'm really tired. Goodnight!
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our ignorance conquers the fcuking uni
verse
Never blog for so long, people still not happy wahlao eh Tuesday, July 28, 2009 3:01 AM
I haven't been blogging much because I've been working. Working hours have been causing dark circles of fatigue under my eyes even though at times the job scope can be really blasé. Peak periods, however, suck your soul out, and at times I will be on the verge of quitting. Colleagues can be a bitch too, but hey, that's life, so deal with it.
Customers will suck you dry because they're paying thousands for our services, and at times you will find yourself being right and them wrong but as the saying goes, the customer is always right. Even if you have to beat yourself up for it in the aftermath of the whole situation, you were still given this job in the first place because you promised the company that you would be an excellent Customer Service Officer. Not any Tom, Dick or Harry can be hired, you know.
Therefore it ticks me off when after a long period of time not blogging, random people give me their random crap on my tagboard telling me that I'm a typical Singaporean, telling me that I'm not fit to be in the service line when I've been studying Business in Service for the past three years, and that I have been working in the service line since I ever had a job back in 2006.
Nobody would know what to expect in their inaugural visit to any service-related business outlet. I had high hopes for Pastamania, I've heard excellent reviews fot it. So I picked that company to celebrate Father's Day. To me, it turned out to be abominable, and so I gave feedback.
People see you for your bad side most of the time, and sometimes people do see the good in you. I have done just that. I have had many experiences where I was given very VERY good service, and I praised them, I wrote in to them, I offer tips if I could afford it. But did anyone see THAT? Or rather, has anyone seen that in ME? Nooo.. of course not.
Even the old aunties serving me every morning for my cheap $2 McSausage + Ice Milo serves better than Pastamania did to me and my family. Yes, I eat McDonalds, yes, I eat at the Kopitiam, so am I really being a blatant, ignorant and most of all, TYPICAL Singaporean?
So maybe you're in the service line, that's why you have something against me. But guess what, I'm in the service line too, and I go through so much shit every fucking day.
Just today, a customer accused me of being inefficient when all I did was inform her that the class she wants to attend is full. Despite our company policy that no members are to go in after 1)the class has started 2)there isn't any space, these members can be so persistent. But guess what, even if I closed both eyes and let her in, she will have NOTHING to do. What? You want to sit in the corner while the rest are doing their workouts on the already fully-used spinning cycles?
Besides, online and phone booking is made available two days prior to class commencement and every member is well-informed of that, lor. You paid thousands, yes, but so did my other thousand members who paid that much as well. BUT, they're smart enough to make a booking!
Geez. Ok enough ranting.
The other day, I went to this special place I haven't been to in the longest time. It was such a beautiful experience. I felt what I felt the last time. I shan't divulge more, lest not the drama that happened three years ago shall resurface. I shall however, leave you guys with this -
I teared up so good. ..maybe there IS a God. Just find Him.
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our ignorance conquers the fcuking uni
verse
Wah so long never blog, then write complain letter. Sunday, June 21, 2009 8:02 PM
I'm very disappointed with my first visit to Pastamania. Firstly, I was there to celebrate Father's Day. However, the service was very substandard that I am quite upset to have chosen Pastamania to celebrate a joyous event.
Firstly, I dislike the idea of having to go to the counter to make my orders. As an Italian restaurant, I expected servers, but my first impression by walking towards the counter was a complete turn-off. After we have made our orders, the cashier who seemed really unwilling to serve us did not smile, and seemed reluctant and nonchalant to provide good service.
1) She did not repeat our order (and we ordered a whole family dinner). What if she made a mistake in keying in our order?
2) After taking our orders, she turned her back to us, prepared our order and left us standing there for a good 5 minutes before announcing our order of $70, and that is not a small amount for our family. You do NOT make a customer wait for you.
3) The servers who came with our food did not smile, did not acknowledge, greet, neither did they wish us to enjoy our meals, but simply walked off.
4) For such substandard service, your overrated food was pretty mediocre as well.
5) I went to order soup, and once again, they took my order, did not repeat our order, continued to process the order, and left me standing there for 2 minutes holding my the money. This is extremely rude, they shouldn't have kept me waiting. I said to them to take my cash first and as I was extremely aggravated, the cashier took it from me and said "Ok lor" with that extremely unhappy look.
6) Your workers are extremely noisy in the restaurant, talking loudly, and it was disturbing not just me, but the other customers as well.
7) If you do not "hi welcome" us in your most sincere manner, and just saying it for the sake of your career, then please don't bother welcoming us in at all.
Pastamania is certainly not what I have expected it to be. It certainly is overrated and does not have the basic courtesy and customer service, plus it has substandard food which frankly, is quite tasteless especially your soups. This would be the last time I will step into the Bishan outlet, or any outlet at all.
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our ignorance conquers the fcuking uni
verse
Are twinkler twinkler littler staru. Tuesday, June 2, 2009 2:28 PM
..and this is thus, the reason why, I can't go out. I can't leave the house and I can't have a decent shower.
If you wanna know, I already quit work at Spinelli. You have no idea how exhilirating that is, knowing that I don't have to work for this pseudo-Starbucks wannabe coffee outlet. That being said, I am jobless, and I just missed a call from a company which I think I have sent in a resume to, but as mentioned, it is a missed call, by the time I got to the phone and called back, the caller didn't pick up till today. :(
Well I can't work for the whole of this week anyway, because HDB is doing a mass renovation around AMK area. That means my bathrooms, my gate and doors are gonna be renovated. That includes an addition of a new every-floor elevator, plus a new bedroom (for me!) behind at the kitchen ala condo style.
Problem is, I have to wake up every morning at 8 so that I can let the banglas in my house, all the way till six, having to clear up the whole house, move everything (furniture, food, drinks, towels, toiletries, piano like some refugee) to my cramped pc room, not being able to leave cos it's a mini post-indonesian forest fire dust billowing my entire house. Nope, I don't have super vision to find the exit.
Cos my mom is working, I have to take care of the house apparently, but it's okay. Just that I have to go downstairs to this portable toilet thing to shower. It's not half-bad, it's just better than the one they installed at my house. O_o, it's a shower, and a TOILET at the same time..
EH MY SISTERS ARE DAMN LUCKY HOR, they stay over at my dads place. It has two condo-like showers and clean toilets. It has food and drinks cos my grandma cooks. It has ample space to sleep. It has TVs, a PS2, PC, XBOX, DVD players.. you get my point.
At least it's only till 6! I'm going out later. YAY!!!! :D :D :D
I'm telling you, akutakdekerje. Lol.
*
HighschoolBGR fights against one clique and another, is so.... highschool. Lol. But it's fun once in a while to get a brief whiff of childish melodramatic blog wars.
And being the bitch of a brother, it's fun knowing that however much you may scrutinize, you know you don't mean anything, you don't know these kids, you just wanna make fun and giggle about these losers.
Afterall, who's the original bitch here? Who's the one whose had years of blogging experience, blog wars, tag wars, and REAL popularity gain with actual statistics and not some baseless claim?
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our ignorance conquers the fcuking uni
verse
I. Hate. This. Part. Right. Here. Saturday, May 16, 2009 2:31 PM
I came home at 3am yesterday because I ended work around 1-ish. Considering the fact that it was my first closing exercise for the shop, Jonathan had to teach me step-by-step on how to close the espresso station, so we kinda overshot till about 1.30ish.
He promised to get us ice-cream if our sales hit 4.2K, and we did, so we stayed for abit till 2am-ish eating our ice-creams. After which he gave us money to take cab home (I know right, I thought it was gonna be a bus form of transportation), ask for receipt so that the company will reimburse.
But my colleague, Nick, wanted to go to Cineleisure for awhile to throw some darts O_o. Me and him were supposed to take the cab together seeing the fact that he lived in Woodlands. So there I was waiting for him to be done with his goddamn darts all the way till 3am, because the money was with him, and considering that was the first time I met him, I didn't wanna be rude to ask him if I could go off first, and that he just gave me half of his money.
*
If any of you should know, I'm pretty much in the most depressed state for the past couple of weeks.
1) I hate working. 2) I should be studying now.
That's the only sadness that drives me up the wall nowadays. There are other options for me, yes, but what more can I do? Take private diploma? In what? Business? How far can I go with that? Mom and her sister wanted me to try nursing, because nursing is quite a strong industry in Australia. I would do nursing anyday, for the sake of a stable pay, and that I can move out of this stupid economically-instable-pseudo-academically-apt-merit-based-educators country, but I'm hematophobic - I have the strongest fear of blood.
My cousins made me cry the other day at the airport when he said I was earning peanuts at work, I'm a grown adult now who's not in school, I must support my mom. I must do something more. Which is true. They told me to try flight attending for a few airlines, which is fairly okay. I get to travel, get about $3000 a month, and expenses paid trips. Thing is, it is under contract of a few years, but I want to complete my education first.
I've applied for 7 full-time jobs, including MediaCorp, but I didn't get any. Spinelli was my final resort, seriously.
So tell me, what am I supposed to do now? Wait for a full year to apply for poly again? How sure am I that I will get it? :(
I miss.. school. Every bit of it. But it's not like I didn't work hard for it. I think everyone knows that I've worked my ass off for the past two years to get to poly. In the end, people I loved got into poly, but I didn't, even though I got quite good results. :(
Life is.. unfair.
Times like this, I wished my parents weren't divorced, so that I would have concentrated on studying back when I was in Sec 3, as focused as I was in the early years.
How life would be like now if that incident didn't happen? Hmm.
I'd study for my OLevels really hard, get into a poly, and is already graduating this year.
But instead, here I am sourcing for jobs, because I HAVEN'T got into a poly. Why? Do I not deserve a chance to study? What wrong have I done?
:(
I took off on Saturday (today) because I thought my aunt and cousins were going back to Australia already. Of course theire flight is actually the following Monday. Still I took off. I got dressed to go out with them (presumptively), until my aunt said "Where you going?" I replied.. "I don't know." She told my mom there isn't space in the car.
I have off on Sunday and on Monday too.
I feel extremely unwanted, sitting here alone, playing Enter The Matrix, and eating fatty mee goreng. I can't even spend time with my own family whom I love.
Back in your stronger days, you always brought me my paper thosai because you know I loved that too.
Back at Toa Payoh, you would wait by the sidewalk till we drove off just to wave goodbye at me. Now it's my turn to say goodbye to you.
So it hurts so much when you go. It hurts so much that I don't get to see your beautiful, toothless grin when I come knocking on your door. It hurts so much to see an empty sofa without a walking stick by the side, it hurts that you didn't wave goodbye.
Yet somehow.. when I saw you taking a sniff of the ground.. you looked so peaceful, and there and then I knew that you don't need us to pray for you. Why? Because I know.. you're already in heaven. You were made by the flowers of heaven.
